Liminal Space

Living in the gray zone

Photo by Cokile Ceoi on Unsplash

I have officially hit week three in Italy, which is hard to believe. I’ve been in a strange liminal space where reality and time don’t feel real. The first week was filled with a panicky phenomenon of realizing I’m in a different country on a new continent, leaving me feeling untethered, like all gravity could simply vanish at any moment and I’d float away into the unknown. It felt odd to look out the window to see dry, arid mountains under a severely bright, clear sky rather than the lush green trees and humid haze of southern Virginia.

That first week I couldn’t eat, rarely slept, and longed for a sense of safety and security. Even my job, which I was hoping to give me some semblance of normalcy, abruptly changed, and I was informed three days before leaving that I could no longer work full-time, but rather as a contractor on fewer hours. It was a blow I wasn’t expecting, and even though I know it’s for the best, still added to the stress of the situation. Follow that up with an angry red rash across my neck and chest for the first two weeks and being stuck on the Navy base away from the city center and I was seriously questioning what we’d gotten ourselves into.

Moving to another country is one of those experiences that you know is going to be hard, but there’s simply no way to prepare yourself for the reality. The guidebooks and education beforehand can be helpful, but it’s impossible to predict how you’ll feel in the moment. This is an opportunity I’ve dreamt of for years. Despite that, I still spent the travel day from the US to Italy crying, thinking “what have I done?” as I stepped off the plane. I spent the night of my ten-year anniversary incredibly sick and slept for twelve hours, and panic messaged my doctors so I could get back on anti-anxiety medication (thank you, Lexapro!). And you know what? It’s ok. I’m doing the hard thing, pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, and I’m adjusting on my own time, even if it’s at a slower pace than others.

To be honest, I’m surprised at how difficult the transition felt. I thrive on change and transformation. This is the 15th move I’ve made in my adult life (though not all of those were to new cities or states). However, I’m constantly reminding myself to have compassion for the parts of me that are slower to adjust, that there’s nothing wrong with going at a snail’s pace and only accomplishing one thing on my long to-do list per day (I’m fighting the urge to be very cliché and say “Rome wasn’t built in a day…” and here we are).

I’m starting to warm up to this place. I love listening to the Italian language, even if my speaking skills make me sound a little more stilted at the moment. I’ve been welcomed in by a wonderful community of Americans living abroad and Neopolitans who are generous enough to share their city, history, and customs. We’re in the process of looking for the place that will be our home for the next few years. I passed my Italian driving test (though I’m not sure if I’ll work up the courage to drive here). We’ve had the chance to go out into town, see the city, and even spend a day on the Amalfi Coast. Good things are happening, and there is even more around the corner. For now, I’m just taking everything one day at a time.

Little Pleasures and Highlights

• Figuring out easy, healthy meals to make in our very tiny kitchenette so we don’t have to eat out for every meal. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited to prepare and eat overnight oats in my life.

• Friendly chats with strangers at the pool, the gym, and in the orientation during the second week here

• Warm, soothing bubble baths in the tub when it gets chilly at night

• Amazing gluten-free pizza in downtown Naples

• Being able to carry on basic conversations in Italian (thank you Duolingo and Coffee Break Italian!)

• Feeling more connected with this place through reading “The Sicilian Inheritance,” by Jo Piazza, and “Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay,” book three in the Neopolitan Novels by Elena Ferrante about two friends growing up in Naples in the 50s and 60s. I’ve also been enjoying watching the HBO show based on the series, My Brilliant Friend.